What Growth Feels Like

We often talk about “growth” without ever clearly defining it. It’s somewhat intangible, but it often does have a distinct feeling that you can recognise. Spoiler: it’s not a nice feeling.

Growth does not feel like a euphoric epiphany - in fact, often when people talk about growth in this manner, they’re actually lying to themselves. Usually what follows these “ephiphanies” is a flood of post-hoc justification which allows them to resolve their cognitive dissonance while continuing undeterred in whatever self destructive pattern they were in. This is the precise opposite of growth.

Growth feels like discomfort - like an actively unpleasant discomfort. And that’s the point.

You Feel Sore After The Gym

Think about the gym. If you train and you feel nothing the next day, and you felt no discomfort during your workout, you probably didn’t push yourself hard enough to grow. If your body isn’t pushed past its natural limit then it has no real incentive to change.

Go too hard, though, and you’re no longer growing - at best you’re wasting energy and at worst you’re exposing yourself to injury. That’s no longer discomfort, it’s pain.

The sweet spot is that awkward, stiff, slightly sore feeling where you’re not broken, but you’re definitely not comfortable. That’s where muscles grow.

Personal and professional growth runs on the same mechanics: discomfort is the sign you’re stretching your capacity - pain (and eventual burnout) is the sign you’ve gone too far.

But instead of sore muscles what you feel will be more emotional. It’s often harder to recognise than post-gym tightness, but there are some telltale signs.

Growth Can Feel Stupid

One very common growth signal is that deep, awkward, gut punch feeling of realising you’re wrong. Or sometimes even just the vague feeling you’ve messed something up, but you can’t quite articulate it.

The emotion is closest, I think, to feeling “exposed”, “vulnerable” or “embarrassed”. The physical feeling is often that awkward twist in the gut that comes with making a social faux pas.

That’s what growth (often) feels like. Not always. But often.

When you learn something genuinely new, or when your worldview expands due to growing and learning, your brain immediately reprocesses past events with this new information. The result is you suddenly see how you could have done things differently, and this is what triggers this feeling.

The thing to keep in mind through these moments is that past you wasn’t malicious or careless. Past you wasn’t trying to sabotage your present or future self. Past you just didn’t know what you know now.

That uncomfortable cringe you feel is the gap between who you were and who you are becoming. This is a telltale sign of growth.

Embrace The Discomfort

Do you have any of those cringey, awkward memories, perhaps from your high school years that like to periodically remind you of something embarrassing you did decade(s) ago?

Embrace these moments of discomfort with empathy for that past self, pride in your current self, and faith in your future self.

Past you did the best they could with their information, their experience, and their capabilities. If present you belittles past you and acts without empathy, it’s going to be in for a rude shock when all to soon it is past you, and future you comes knocking.

You’re supposed to outgrow that past self - the tension you feel is the whole point. It’s that same mechanism of reflecting on a past experience with a new worldview, and it’s a sure sign you’ve grown.

What have we learned?

We often give in to a myth that growth feels like inspiration, clarity, and power. Most of the time it feels like confusion, awkwardness, and doubt.

Growth is stretching; it’s straining. Growth feels uncomfortable.

If you’re not feeling uncomfortable, uncertain, or slightly stupid - you may not be growing.